For a fee of $35 USD I, Phil Elverum, will name your band.
All payments must be made up front via the paypal button below.
No refunds.
While you will most likely be disappointed with the name that I choose, you are not required to use it for your band. Still no refunds.
Also, if your band already has a name, you are free to use the name for something or someone else. It is yours.
You can provide contextual information about the band being named if you wish, although I will not necessarily go super deep into researching you and what your deal is. I might though.

I will provide a certificate of authenticity, proving that you are the rightful owner of this name in perpetuity. You can frame it and hang it in the practice space if you wish.


Is it a joke? Of course, but I’ll do it still.
Is $35 “too much”? One cent would be too much if you ask me. This is a ridiculous thing. But still I’ll do it.
Plus, what if your band becomes super popular? Then $35 is nothing. That’s one arena show souvenir tank top. And maybe it was my band name that put you in that position.
Is capitalism fucked up? Definitely.